286 PC, 2 megs, 15 Meg HD, one-button mouse, Sand Blaster compatible compressor. Super-deluxe case as illustrated. 550 Pounds Sterling. Tel.Humpty, 246 247, before 1996.
ZX Spectrum, 48K RAM, Interface 2, Quickshot joystick, 5 mains adapters. No keyboard, hence low price of 65 Pounds. Tel. Taz on (01000) 910 190 June/July.
PC Games! Paragliding, 25 Pounds. Advanced Lawnmower Simulator, 30 Pounds. Sim Space-hopper, 15 Pounds. Will swap all three for set of photo’s of Kronikk Bismarck. Tel’ Max Schmell, 0004 555 2555 next week.
Wanted, attractive young ladies to attend to elderly statesman. Free dental care & meat rations to successful applicants. Please, no sheep. Contact Lord Yoghurt on 0101 000 001 now!
Game Boy, as new except smashed. Bargain. Offers to Mad Mike, Dorset any time after tea.
286 PC, 2 megs, 15 Meg HD, one-button mouse, Sand Blaster compatible compressor. Super-deluxe case as illustrated. 550 Pounds Sterling. Tel.Humpty, 246 247, before 1996.
New for Old! Simply send us your new PC’s and we will send you old tennis shoes! Yes, that’s GUARANTEED! Sweaty & Sons, Leeds 426 7699. Open usually.
486 copies of ‘ANGLER’S SMELLS MONTHLY’ for sale. 50p per issue or 55p the lot. Will exchange for Fiat Tipo in good condition. Tel. Angus ‘Deep Sea’ McGlobule afterwards: 9998 998 99888?
Cash! We will pay you for your children! Pre-school preferred, but offers made for most age-groups. Comprehensive breeding contracts available. Send weight to PetPack (TM) animal foods, London for quote. Sorry, no old ladies or politicians accepted.
PC, 386 sx, plenty of memory & disk space. Includes 3-pin dot matrix printer. Good enough for most computing tasks. Why buy expensive ‘state of the art’ equipment when this will do? Only 499 Pounds. Ideal for gullible bastard. Phone Kevin on Monday.
PC, 45, seeks WPC for lasting friendship and commitment. Base near New Scotland Yard an advantage. Must be fond of nasal sex & large truncheons (oo-er - Ed.) Tel’ (01900) 602422 whenever horny.
Don’t throw your old jam jars away!
Send them to Mrs. Cagoule and she will throw them away. Phone for address; 01540 45377.
Pentium 90,, 32 MB RAM, 4 Gig. hard drive, 22" NI monitor, Quad speed CD-ROM drive, very large bank balance. Jealous? Of course you are, you peasant! (Telephone to beg; William Gates IV, Esquire, 11111 222 3333)
Why not place an ad. in PC Plonker?
....Because it’s a waste of money.
Poor student, one leg, no home, seeks donations towards vital heart bypass operation to postpone slow, agonising death. Thank you. Send any modest sums to The Bank of England, London.
Kronikk! Great, isn’t it? Buy some today! Call IBM on valium.
PC compatible chair. Will house up to one user. Ideal for sitting down. Can be used alongside new EIDE protocol. Also compatible with most BIOS chipsets. Will accept Virtual Anus connection, even with 16-bit WindBreaker module. 250 Pounds O.N.O. ‘Phone Lisa, 01567 32709 for a good time (She really likes rubber - Ed.)
Vaccine for Pentium Bug. 25 Pounds. Introduce this predatory mite into your Pentium system and watch it devour your Bugs! Needs little sleep in warm months. Contact Steve on CompuServe @Asylum.secure.axe.bug.lick.testes.Will reply to all young boys.
PC, 486, damaged in supernova. Would suit enthusiast. 200 Pounds plus extras. Will deliver. ‘Phone home.
Sick of wasting good money on crap peripherals?
Stop doing it, then.
DOOM. You’ve played the games - now drink the cocktail! Available most Tuesdays from Slim’s Throat Emporium, Centauri Prime. Book for insurance.
Wanted! Old monitors to feed starving orphans in Egypt. One monitor tube can provide a week’s supply of crushed glass! Send your old monitors to me, Ivan, the Jordanian Embassy, Poland.
Why not marry me? I don’t eat much,and I love Elvis! I can clean cars AND tie many kinds of knot. My friends call me ‘fuck off’. Why not give me a try? Call the GoonLine - 01290 909 647. Ask for Mike Hunt.
Pentium stickers! Convincing Intel (TM) logos! Attach to PC’s, TV’s, dish-washers, shoe-boxes, practically anything! Will convince your friends that you have a real Pentium! A wide variety of sizes available to fit most household pets. 2 Pounds for 3000. Order from Eve, 0592 3453456 most noons.
Virtual Anus! Advance prototype. Unwanted gift. 450.60 Pounds ONO. May explode if chewed. Sam; 123 5243009.
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